~??Say What??~

Thoughts to ponder!!! And Bumper Stickers!!!

1. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why do "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do 'tug' boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12. Doesn't 'expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13. Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wise guy' opposites?

14. Why do 'overlook' and 'oversee' mean opposite things?

15. Why is phonics not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?

27. Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

28. How do a fool and his money GET together?

29. How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

30. How is it that a building burns up as it burns down?

31. If the pen is mightier than the sword, and a picture is worth a thousand words, how dangerous is a fax?

32. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

33. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

34. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

35. Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds" fee on money they already know you don't have?

36. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

37. Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

38. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

39. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

40. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

41. How come there aren't B batteries?

42. How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there?

43. How do I set my laser printer on stun?

44. How is it possible to have a civil war?

45. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

46. Why can't you ask for "perials" in a candy store instead of just "non-perials."

47. If the #2 pencil is so popular, why is it still #2?

48. If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?

49. Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

50. If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?

51. Crime doesn't pay...does that mean that my job is a crime?

52. Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

53. How can there be self-help "groups"?

54. How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?

55. How do you know honesty is the best policy until you have tried some of the others?

56. How do you throw away a garbage can?

~}ôBumper Stickersô{~

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.

Assassins do it from behind.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

All generalizations are false, including this one.

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.

Artificial Intelligence beats real stupidity.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

If you are psychic - think "HONK"

If you always take time to stop and smell the roses...sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee.

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

Jesus is coming, everyone look busy

Lord save me from your followers.

Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

And on the 8th day, God sobered up.

The Earth Is Full - Go Home

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools

My kid had sex with your honor student.

Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

I souport publik edekasion

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Never get into an argument with the schizophrenic person and say, "Just who do you think you are?"

When she told me I was average, I figured she was just being mean.

Clear the Road I AM SIXTEEN

He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit

I got this motor home for my wife. Best deal I ever made

Hang up and drive.

I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

This is Not an Abandoned Vehicle - on an old, rusted-out car with 2 plastic bags taped over where the rear windows used to be, parked in a shopping center.

If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over..[Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]

If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your ASS?

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you

My other car is a broom. (Found at a witches shop in NYC)

I SWERVE to HIT People at Random!

I brake for no apparent reason

Don't laugh, your daughter may be inside - (on a custom van)

Honk If You Want To See My Finger

Honk all you want, I'm deaf

Horn broken - watch for finger